Trust the Process of Life

man in prayer

I used to proudly proclaim, “I trust someone until they give me a reason not to.” This was my confident statement about the discernment I felt I had learned to exercise from my own past experiences, and was a way that I made sense of life’s lessons and letdowns. And discernment is necessary. The problem comes if being discerning puts us in a kind of on-call warrior mode where we are poised to respond at the first sign of an untrustworthy act. In our minds, we are flexible and even generous to the degree that we have decided that so-and-so can be trusted, but we are nevertheless poised to take account of any potential injuries. What we are doing then, is not trusting.

When we trust someone, we put our faith in their ability to not hurt or betray us in some way. It is not always an easy thing to yield this much of ourselves to another. It makes us feel open and exposed. It leaves us feeling vulnerable to possible predatory attacks. Trust is something earned after all. When we trust, we are having faith that we can be safe with a person or in a situation. We are believing that there is something unspoken that will keep us from harm’s way.

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ~ Ernest Hemingway

Once let down in some way by one we trusted, we are apt to not allow another closer, at least not without some great proof of guarantee. This is a self-protective measure designed to prevent future damage. However, this is a double-edge sword. We do not allow another the chance for intimacy, denying them the privilege of our friendship. But we also find ourselves living in a world where we are protecting, fending off, and closing potential doors to future happiness on account of a broken trust from the past. And the loss is our own. So, you trusted someone and they let you down. So, what of it? Can you not bear the weight of your own disappointment? Will you crumble or die? Will the world come crashing to a halt? No. No. No. Life continues and you are somehow stronger. You have weathered experience. You have learned something. You have learned not that you can’t trust people, but that you have resilience. You have learned discernment. You have chunked some bits of wisdom into your storehouse. You have learned that you could weather storms and still be here, maybe only a little worse for wear.

“May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.” …” ~ Saint Terese of Liseaux

Trust begins with ourselves. We must learn to trust our own judgement. We must learn that we will be okay, even if we fail at some task or endeavor we set out to accomplish. Things will go on if someone disappoints us. And we will learn the lesson, sooner or later. And what’s more, once we have extended ourselves and perhaps lost trust in another, we must trust that we have within us something stronger than we thought. And we must trust that our trust was not mislaid because we were learning to trust ourselves.

And we must move forward and trust again.

But trust in ourselves, in the deep wisdom core within us, is the foundation for trusting others and trusting life. Before we can extend the olive branch of trust to another, we must have found the treasure within ourselves. From there we will discover that trust is the food that nourishes our oneness with all life. Trust is choosing to know and believe that there is something in all our experience which conspires on behalf of our good.

Let us begin to know and accept that.

© 2022. Egyirba M. High. [Althea Grace]. All Rights Reserved.

Choosing to Remember that Life is for Living

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Cacophony of outer chaos aside, this time has been a blessing for me in many ways. When I finally was able to pull my attention from the sounds and sights of a global emergency clamoring for my energy and attention, I realized that this was a moment ripe for growth for me. I saw that I needn’t give my focus and energy to the collective fear, anxiety, worry, desperation, depression or darkness playing out boldly all around me, but that I could choose something different.

I determined to focus on myself and keep my head out of the panic that swelled around me. I realized that I had the opportunity to understand what this moment meant for me, and how I might best utilize it. As I saw it, there was no use marching in lockstep with the collective sighs, cries, and screams of fear, as there was little I could do about that, or with it.

Rather, I turned my attention to how I might use the time to get to know myself more, how I might deepen my awareness of my spiritual nature, and expand in understanding the personal and universal possibilities for my growth and my life that this detour from normalcy and habitual living had given me.

“The darker the night, the brighter the stars,

The deeper the grief, the closer is God!”

― Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

As I watched people lose their sense of self-control, inner authority and power, and their ability to assess things with a stable, reasoned mind, it was clear to me that that was not the way for me to go. What would it do but make me feel hopeless, useless, confused, crazy, and more afraid of the unknown? I anticipated this moment when I realized there was a line in the sand being drawn, and that people had begun positioning themselves on one or the other side of that line. Moreover, doing so meant that rather than finding reassurance, a level of calm in the midst of emergency, there could only be accusations, antipathies, and anger in place of solidarity, strength, and stability. Of what use was that to me?

It’s been a long two years, but I have understood that I was meant for this moment.

“It is not despair, for despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt. We do not.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Rather than yield to a feeling of powerlessness, drown in hopelessness, and surrender responsibility for myself, for my choices, my thoughts, my actions, in hope of rescue by others, I acknowledged the truth I had been learning about who I am, about what I am capable of, and most importantly, my own divine awareness now accessible to be put into practice during this earth walk experience.

I could choose to see the world as possible, and not as lost.

I decided that I believed that everything is in divine order, and that I am an eternal spiritual being. I did not look at each prescient moment to fear the inevitable loss of this body, nor succumb to fear of the possibilities of dying. I chose to see this time as that great and inevitable unknown in which I could embrace the life I had in each moment with its attendant beauties, gifts, and gratitude. I realized the power to acknowledge (and believe) that I had been bequeathed the greatest gift of choice by the power of divine love that sent me, rather than, a life of limitation and less, by which to shrink from life.

It was a moment that I had to understand, I had to decide if I believed what I said I believed. And while I understand well that no one wants to die, we are charged with living life as vitally, determinedly, and confidently in each moment that we have breath, literally and figuratively.

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

― Mark Twain

We have drifted so far from ourselves from our understanding of ourselves as blessed beings on Mama Gaia living in resonance with the frequency of natural life which we came to experience, and instead, turned our attention and energy towards artificial living which diminishes that life in the name of ‘progress’.

I watched people I know panic, and I felt calmer because I know I am here for an experience of life that transcends this moment. We’ve been talked out of our peace by the insistence that we live less (by living in fear, and being lulled into mindlessness through our incessant focus on screens and living vicariously through them. But that’s another story for another time). To whom do we yield our faith and trust? Do we go along to get along, and further anchor fear of a pandemic planet? Or, do we understand the truth of who we are, what we are, and that there is a solution for every problem, (as Dr. Wayne Dyer said)? Do we keep our heads when all about us are losing theirs, in order to let calmer heads prevail? Or, do we give up that vital spark in service of squeezing a few more minutes out of those who promise us more time, by wanting to lock us down so we cannot breathe the breath of true freedom? Do we appreciate the life we have or look only towards that granted by artificial support systems, which in the end, cannot save us?

Only the Divine can deliver life to us. I say, I trust the Divine Love in me. I trust the Divine Life that IS. In the end, I drop this body and remember myself as part of eternal life. Meanwhile, here on the earth ranch, I live each day as if my last — with awareness, with vigor, with gratitude.

“These woods are lovely, dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.”

― Robert Frost, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

© 2021. Egyirba M. High. [Althea Grace]. All Rights Reserved.

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